cake & all

by Claire Wang, Del Norte 26'

CW: alludes to eating disorders

Marie knows what type of cake I like, stomach growling, says:

“Man, just take it all. I’m not hungry anyway.” Each year, she bakes me cake for

my birthday– “it’s the sweetest type!” She never eats her slice – “bread’s cheaper!” –

but watches me lick the frosting off my fingers. “And I don’t eat that shit.”

Maybe tonight, I imagine her car’s backed up and she comes back home,

hands clenching her stomach, asks me what’s for dinner.

Maybe tonight, I imagine she’s left the oven running for a little too long,

comes running upstairs, her mouth covered in icing and burnt cake crumbs.

Or maybe tonight, I imagine I’ll hold her in bed, her body full without divots,

feed her the cake slice that’s been sitting in our fridge for a day.

Only, the next time I’ll see her

is when I’ll find that same cake untouched, a hole in her heart the

shape of her stomach.