I fell asleep as the sun rose. 
Not for the first time that day 
but the second. 
That midnight I'd been praying 
to the abomination lurking
in the headboard of the bed
waiting for me to fall asleep. 

​

I'd said, "If I were a daughter of the clouds
might you wonder what I look like up close?
I wonder what I look like up close. 
Teach me how to be okay
with what appears when I look myself in the eye."

​

Part of that night I wasn't awake.
Floating on the patronage
of asking myself to breathe.
And when there was no exhale, 
I simply ceased to exist. 

​

In that deadly quiet the black answered, 
"Bargaining is only part of your mind's way
of answering the question you ask.
Ask again when you are ready to reach acceptance."